why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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