You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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