did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
