Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
