I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
