...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
nutella sex= disaster
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
