Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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