Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
