he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
