I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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