I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
