Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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