I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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