i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
