all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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