I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They took my balls.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
