I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
