After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
