There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
