Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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