i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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