we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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