We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
