I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need to sanitize my soul.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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