Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
