My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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