I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
