I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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