operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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