And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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