Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
