woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
