My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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