Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
