i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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