Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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