I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
