By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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