Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
