sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
