im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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