Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
