Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
