haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
