turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
