My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
