Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How external is "for external use only"?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
