u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
