1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
