i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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