no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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