just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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